10 things to do for your partner when she is pregnant

One of the hardest parts about being the partner who is not pregnant, is not knowing what she is going through.

Being pregnant is unlike anything else is this world, and don’t even get me started on the unique experience that is childbirth. Pregnancy is wonderful and horrible all at once, and you as the non-pregnant partner have no idea what that’s like.

Your pregnant partner will want things and need things, and the requests will increase as she gets bigger and less mobile. Because you have no idea what she’s going through, a general rule of thumb is; if she asks for it, get it.

An even better rule is to anticipate what she needs and get it before she asks. Here are some great tips to help you along.

1. Get her food

She will ask for food. Sometimes because she can’t be bothered getting up when she is sitting down, sometimes because she is no longer working, and you are the one driving home past the Krispy Kreme. Sometimes she will ask you to get food five minutes after she finished eating the last large plate of food you just brought her. Sometimes she will ask for food in the middle of the night.

Basically, get her what she wants. Unless she is asking for a bottle of vodka and a packet of cigarettes, she probably needs whatever she is asking for. She will have weird cravings, and if you don’t want to go to the supermarket at 1am it could help to anticipate some of these. For a start anything mega sweet or super salty, or both combined, is good to have on hand. Peanut butter, pretzels, chips, chocolate, ice cream, frozen pizza, popcorn, gherkin dip, all this is good to have on hand.

2. Get her drinks

Again, maybe steer clear of the bottle of vodka, but your partner is currently creating blood for two people, so she will get thirsty. Make sure she has a drink of water, or whatever sweet or salty drink she needs. The amount of liquid she will drink will seem inordinate to you, but get it anyway. And whatever you do, do not suggest she stop drinking because then she would not need to go to the toilet quite so often.

3. Massage anything

Offering to rub any part of your partner’s body is an excellent way to make her happy, or make her feel less crappy anyway. Lots of things will hurt with the pregnancy, including, but not limited to, her feet, her back, her neck, her shoulders, her calves and her breasts. Do not offer to rub her breasts. However offering some kind of cold pack for these will be gratefully received and much appreciated. Foot rubs, or just rubbing her temples, will always go down well.

4. Help her get dressed or tie her shoes

Your partner will gradually get less and less adept at dressing herself. She will need help with bra straps and zippers to start with, but later on may need help doing up her shoes; or locating her shoes. Don’t make fun of her, don’t get grouchy when she keeps asking and instead suggest she wear something more elastic. Just help.

5. Tell her she is beautiful

Pregnant partner or not, this is great advice. But your pregnant partner will need to hear it a bit more often, because she will not feel like herself, and she will need reassurances that she is still loved.

She will get total strangers touching her stomach, and random acquaintances saying ‘Wow, you’ve put on weight!’. So, with this one, don’t wait until she asks; just tell her often, in as many different and creative ways as you can, that she is still beautiful to you.

6. Don’t ignore her texts, no matter how persistent or annoying they may be

Your pregnant partner may at times become a little anxious, or paranoid. A lot of things will be happening to her that she has no idea about. Her emotional state will be tested and at times may not be that stable to begin with.

She may call you or text you often, or at inappropriate times. Do not ignore her. You don’t necessarily need to encourage her, but at least respond. Maybe with a safe emoji or two.

7. Be sleepless with her

One of the hardest things about pregnancy, especially late in pregnancy, is sitting up alone at night. Pregnant women are ridiculously hot and uncomfortable and have trouble sleeping, not to mention the worrying part of their brain kicks into overdrive. Or if the worrying part is quiet, the ‘I can’t wait another second to meet this baby’ part will start shouting at her.

Don’t sleep through all this and leave her alone in the night worrying. Somehow cotton on to the fact that she is restless, and you be awake too. Play sudoku side by side, or eat choc chip cookies, or binge on TV. But don’t leave her alone in this because the nights go on forever. And once the baby is born she will be up a lot alone, so be with her now.

8. Bring her gifts that make her life more pleasant

Because she has to give up a lot to be pregnant, while you get to just keep your same habits and clothes and general body shape, it’s a really good idea to bring her more of the things that she can enjoy at this time. Think outside the box and bring her creative things to make her life that little bit easier, or more luxurious, or brighter.

Here are some ideas:

• New scarves or earrings, as these will always fit her
• Flowers
• Anything smelly to put in the bath
• Anything nicely scented at all really
• Expensive food that she would never buy herself
• Excellent varieties of tea
• Mother and baby magazines
• Colouring book and pencils
• Any kind of subscription box really

9. Let her sleep

Just as you need to be awake with her if she can’t sleep, if she is asleep LET HER SLEEP. I cannot stress this enough. She may miss one of your family functions, or her favourite show, or the alarm that is supposed to be sending her to the gym. Do not wake her for sex. Don’t wake her for anything really.

10. Help out

I should not need to add this tip, but for goodness sake, help out around the house. Don’t just do the minimum, or just what you consider to be your fair portion. Go way above and beyond what you think is reasonable.

Anything that could hurt her back, or make her vomit, or make her feet swell up, just do it. This is excellent practice for all the housework you should be doing for the rest of your lives together. Because she is the mother of your children, not your maid. Because even though you worked eight hours plus spent two hours commuting, she is a mother every second of every day. She will never knock off, from now until the end of time. So help out a bit, ok?

This list should start you off, but your goal is to go beyond. Aim to surprise and delight, because the strength to do what she is doing should be surprising and delighting you.